Mini "Magic Mike"
That last post was really heavy, and I didn’t want to leave it up there all weekend, being all depressing and bumming people the fuck out. So here’s a funny story for you about my son, who has found his true calling….
So, C. was outside playing before dinner last night. I left him outside while I went in to start cooking; I told him he had five minutes and then he had to come in to eat. I busily started cooking, and when the five minutes were up I went outside to collect my son. I opened the door and he was standing on the sidewalk completely naked. Well, let me clarify… he DID have some Spiderman tennis shoes on and his shorts and underwear appeared to be in a pool around his ankles. But he was naked enough. My mouth dropped to the floor and for a second I couldn’t even speak, I was so shocked.
“C.!” I hissed, “what are you DOING?? Get in here, right now!”
C. began to frantically pull up his pants, apologizing. I was now walking a fine line; I don’t want him to think there is anything wrong with his body, or parts of his body, and I didn’t want him to be too embarrassed; just enough so that he wouldn’t engage in public nudity anymore. Once the pants were back on, I ushered him inside.
“What were you doing without pants on, buddy?”
“Well, that boy had to go pee and he couldn’t find a bathroom so he peed on the sidewalk. Then I wanted to pee on the sidewalk, so I did, and I made a shape with my pee.”
“Okay, but when I went out neither one of you were peeing.”
“Yeah, well after I went I wanted to show him my privates.”
Oh god, I thought, he’s going to grow up to be a creepy flasher! One of those weird guys that sit in the bus station and whip it out for passerby. Calm down, self, calm down.
“WHY did you want to show someone else your privates? You know we’ve talked about how certain parts of our bodies are only okay to be shared with ourselves or a grown up you trust, right? They’re called privates for a reason, right?”
“Yeah Mommy, but I HAD to show him.”
“WHY?”
“Because my privates do tricks.”
I don’t even want to know. I really don’t even want to know. Boys are a strange breed.
So, C. was outside playing before dinner last night. I left him outside while I went in to start cooking; I told him he had five minutes and then he had to come in to eat. I busily started cooking, and when the five minutes were up I went outside to collect my son. I opened the door and he was standing on the sidewalk completely naked. Well, let me clarify… he DID have some Spiderman tennis shoes on and his shorts and underwear appeared to be in a pool around his ankles. But he was naked enough. My mouth dropped to the floor and for a second I couldn’t even speak, I was so shocked.
“C.!” I hissed, “what are you DOING?? Get in here, right now!”
C. began to frantically pull up his pants, apologizing. I was now walking a fine line; I don’t want him to think there is anything wrong with his body, or parts of his body, and I didn’t want him to be too embarrassed; just enough so that he wouldn’t engage in public nudity anymore. Once the pants were back on, I ushered him inside.
“What were you doing without pants on, buddy?”
“Well, that boy had to go pee and he couldn’t find a bathroom so he peed on the sidewalk. Then I wanted to pee on the sidewalk, so I did, and I made a shape with my pee.”
“Okay, but when I went out neither one of you were peeing.”
“Yeah, well after I went I wanted to show him my privates.”
Oh god, I thought, he’s going to grow up to be a creepy flasher! One of those weird guys that sit in the bus station and whip it out for passerby. Calm down, self, calm down.
“WHY did you want to show someone else your privates? You know we’ve talked about how certain parts of our bodies are only okay to be shared with ourselves or a grown up you trust, right? They’re called privates for a reason, right?”
“Yeah Mommy, but I HAD to show him.”
“WHY?”
“Because my privates do tricks.”
I don’t even want to know. I really don’t even want to know. Boys are a strange breed.
posted by D. @ 12:53 PM
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