Bits

• I continue to fail at being a mother. I want to start C. in some sort of preschool program in the fall. His birthday is in August, so I could technically send him to kindergarten this year, but I don’t think he is socially ready to do that. He knows all the academic stuff, ABC’s and numbers and shapes and colors, but being an only child and kind of spoiled sometimes, he isn’t that good at things like taking turns, listening to others when they talk, following directions… so I think that going to preschool would be great for him to learn that kind of stuff before he starts school in the fall. I thought I was being proactive by calling three months in advance. (you can all laugh, I know.) Obviously most of the places I’ve called have ONE spot left, or the morning class is full, or whatever. Now I feel rushed and pressured to get him in somewhere, anywhere that has a spot, and of course I feel guilty that I waited this long and I’m worried that I’ll have to stick him in some dilapidated shack where they tie children up and don’t feed them, just so the kid will learn to raise his hand if he has a question.


• I feel that my medication isn’t working, but I can’t get into the doctor for another two weeks, so you should all be pitying A* right now. Yesterday I think I cried the entire day, over pretty much nothing and everything. My face was so swollen that I looked like I was involved in some kind of boxing match. I appear to be allergic to my tears, so whenever I cry just a little bit my eyes swell until it looks like I have an extra eyelid and my whole eye area burns really badly.

• C. needs to be taught about “family privacy.” As mentioned above, I had a bad day yesterday and was picking at A*. C. went outside to play with some neighborhood kids and the first words out of his mouth were, “My mommy and daddy are fighting. My mommy is crying in the bathroom.” Mortifying! And guilty inducing!! One of the kids asked why, and C. replied, “Because my dad ruined my mom’s day and night.” Which is TRUE, but not something I wanted to share with the neighbors. So last night before bed we had a talk about how mommy’s and daddy’s fight sometimes, and Mommy cries a lot from happiness and sadness and just about every other emotion in between, and sometimes you need to keep things to yourself about what goes on in the bathroom.

• Yesterday was gloomy and depressing, so on a whim I decided that C. and I should go outside to splash in some puddles. I told C. that we were going outside and he told me it was raining, we couldn’t possibly go out. Once he was convinced I was serious, I was suddenly the coolest mom ever and we went out into the gray rain and jumped in every single puddle we could find. This was the only time that I was NOT crying yesterday. I should always take a break and splash in the puddles.