Little Bits of Pixie Dust

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thourougly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!!"

Friday, September 30, 2005

Fat Sweaty Bitch

I have written previously (I think, who reads those archives anyway... YOU BETTER, READER!!!) about my battles with endometriosis. If I haven't written and am just being insane, well, that's nothing new. In case you don't know, endometriosis is:

Endometriosis occurs when endometrial tissue, the tissue that lines the uterus and is shed during menstruation, grows outside of the uterus—on the ovaries, fallopian tubes, ligaments supporting the uterus, and other areas in the pelvic cavity. Endometriosis can also appear in a woman's bladder, bowel, vagina, or other places in her body.
Like the lining of the uterus, these areas of endometrial tissue respond to the hormones of the menstrual cycle—they build up tissue each month, then break down and bleed during menstruation. But unlike the uterus lining, when these endometrial implants (also called growths or lesions) outside the uterus bleed, they can irritate a woman's body.

So, when I was about fifteen years old my mother took me to the "girly doctor" and after trying me on several different kinds of birth control (this before I even knew what sex was) I got a laporoscopy, an investigative surgery where the doctor searches for any spots of endometriosis growth and if they find some then they burn off the legions. I saw a picture of my uterus, the doctor pointed out the spots that he had lasered, and I thought that was it. Yeah, he told me that there was a good chance of reoccurance, but I was sixteen years old, I couldn't plan what I was wearing the next day, let alone think about disease.
At first the surgery worked great, and for years I was able to enjoy a normal period with normal pain. But as time went on, the symptoms began to come back, and in the last year or two they have become almost unbearable. I am already in danger of losing my job due to the absences caused on the days that I physically can't get out of bed. Since this happens every month, my employers haven't been too happy about it. I literally cannot even see straight as waves and waves of excruciating pain wash over me. And I'm not being a whiny girl, complaining about cramps. I would WELCOME regular cramps, I would hug and love regular cramps. This is Pain, with a capital P.
So anyway, the next course of action starts today. I am going to the doctor to have a shot administered to me. The shot is called LuproDepron, and I get a shot once a month for six months. This is supposed to stop new legions from growing and also, since I won't have a period for six months, give me a break. It is also supposed to "calm down" the spots of endo that I already have.
Drawback? Your body is tricked into thinking that it is going into menopause, and with that comes all the symptoms, including hot flashes, mood swings, and night sweats. Oh, also decreased sex drive, which just THRILLED A* to no end. As you know, I'm not the most stable person to begin with, so this kind of freaks me out. I am really worried that I am going to turn into a fat sweaty bitch. And A* will leave me, and I will live in a box, and I will be unhappy for the rest of my life. Dramatic anyone?
I am so worried about the attack of the fat sweaty bitch. Watch out, she may be coming to a town near you.


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