Little Bits of Pixie Dust

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thourougly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!!"

Monday, October 03, 2005

One Drunken Night....

Sometimes, I feel old and I feel the need to relive my younger, drunker days. If I am thinking about being drunk, I have to think about Kelli. Kelli was my drinking friend for a couple of years. She showed up right after I found out that my fiance was cheating on me, and was there for me the whole time I tried to drown my sorrows in alchohol. Kelli could always be counted on to go out, no matter what day or time it was. We were known to drink a bottle of wine with breakfast. Boy, that girl knew how to have fun.
One night we were out downtown, drinking... what? My mind cannot wrap around this detail, but whatever it was it must have been good, because I drank a lot of it. I'm thinking maybe a fishbowl? Anyways, when we exited the bar it was late, and we were having a hard time walking. At first, we couldn't find the car. This fact did not upset us, though, just the opposite. It seemed hysterically funny and something that made us sit down on the curb, clutching each other and screeching with laughter. While we were down there, I noticed that we were sitting directly in front of my car, which just made me break out into more peals of laughter. I nudged Kelli and showed her the car, and we helped each other to get up off the curb. Well, the damn car door was SO hard to open. I mean, really, who thinks of these things like locks and handles and such? How can one be expected to open a door with all of these strange contraptions on it?
FINALLY we figured out how to actually get in the car, and also determined how to turn the car on.
**** just as an aside... I DO NOT CONDONE DRINKING AND DRIVING! These days I always get a cab or a designated driver. So don't judge me, I was young! I'm just remembering!! ****
I started off down the street, Kelli slumped unattractively in the passanger seat. I soon realize, however, that I can't see. I mean, literally, the road was swimming in front of my eyes, and I know that I was swerving like a maniac. My fear had been turned off by the enormous amounts of alchohol, so I didn't view this fact as a problem. Rather, it was one more thing that made me crack up with laughter. The following is, to the best of my recollection, the conversation that we had...
SELF: Dude (dude comes out unexpectedly under the influence) I cannot see!
KELLI: Open your eyes.
SELF: No, I'm serious. I CAN'T SEE!
KELLI, after rooting around in her purse for several minutes: Here, try these.
She was holding out her glasses to me. Now, just for the record, I did not wear glasses at the time, did not have any problems that required prescriptive eyewear. Kelli, on the other hand, had a very strong prescription.
KELLI con't, holding out her glasses: These always work for me.
Of course, this seemed like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. I put on her glasses, and joyfully told Kelli that they DID work. In fact, I told Kelli with amazement that they were MAGIC GLASSES! My friend had her very own pair of magic glasses.
These glasses helped me to drive to our friend's house, where Kelli, the vegetarian, inhaled a pepparoni and salami sandwich slumped against the counter.

Magic glasses... who would've thought? They may have saved my life.


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