Color me Green

I'm depressed. Money problems are threatening to overwhelm us, and I kind of feel like it is all my fault. A* and I were trying to figure out the budget for the week, and we had it pretty much worked out, when all of a sudden I realized that it is the beginning of the month, and therefore I will need to buy all of my prescriptions. So then we had to add in the Zoloft and the birth control for the endometriosis. Then I thought about how I will have two weeks off of work this month for my surgery, and A* will have to take at least a couple days off immediately following the surgery to take care of me. Sigh.

The whole problem started last month, when we foolishly borrowed a cash advance to pay an unexpected bill. DO NOT EVER GET ONE OF THESE!! Because we made it through that couple of weeks, but then Hey! you have to pay this back, in addition to all of your regular bills. So then you have to get another advance in order to pay the bills that you couldn't pay before. And it is a huge neverending circle of monitary despair, that you just keep getting sucked back into. Someone very, very smart (me) voiced her disapproval of this plan, but then was forced into by necessity. I knew this would happen!!

I just hate living from pay check to pay check, all the damn time. When will we have actual savings? When will we be able to go out to dinner without "planning" for it in the budget? When can I just assume that we will go to our customary breakfast on the weekend, instead of being let down because we had to spend a million dollars at the laundrymat instead? I feel like A* and I work our asses off and have nothing to show for it. Then we get in the mindset of hey, I worked hard for this money and I am going to do something fun! and we do and then realize that while that dinner out may have been fun, now we don't have enough money for the electric bill, and we were really stupid assholes for spending that money when we didn't have it.

I am just very frustrated with the whole situation. Now I have to sit and stare at A* all weekend, because we can't go out and do anything. As he emphasized on the phone WE CAN DO NOTHING. Mmmm, sounds fun.

Sorry this was so depressing, but that is what is going on right now. It can't all be sunshine and rainbows here at Little Bits...