Little Bits of Pixie Dust

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thourougly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!!"

Friday, March 10, 2006

Hello Toes!

Once, in my college days, I let a boy come up to my room. You know how things go in college, we had just been to a keg party and the drinks were flowing, and soon enough I was taking off my shirt... or he was taking it off, it doesn't matter to the story. Anyway, I turned around and this was his reaction.

He yelled out, "Those are the biggest goddamn tits I've ever seen!!" Now, I'm not sure if I was supposed to be flattered by these words, or turned on, but I was neither. Instead, I was mortified and very uncomfortable. The shirt went back on, the tits were put away, and he never saw them again.

But soon, this won't be a problem for me anymore. (Not that I am in the habit of bringing boys into my room and taking off my shirt... I don't think A* would take too kindly to that) It won't be a problem because... drum roll please........

I got approved for my breast reduction!!!!!! I called my insurance company yesterday, and for once I had a very nice and helpful woman get on the line, and she told me that they just approved it yesterday and they will be sending the paper work over to my doctor, who in turn will call me to set up a surgery time. I called at work, and when I hung up the phone everyone that was around me was leaning out of their chairs. I think my huge grin gave it away, and then they all burst into applause and hugs. It was great. I cannot wait.

I have been wanting this for so long, I won't even know what to do with myself when I don't have to want it anymore. I have been thinking of all the things I'll be able to do better... painting my toenails, running, dancing, bra shopping, buying clothes, cutting my toenails... the list could go on and on. No one would understand this unless they too, are cursed with ginormous breasts. Some girls, when I tell them I am having surgery, gasp and ask me, "Why in the world would you want to do that? Could you save some for me?" and I want to tell them, "YOU try carrying around two twelve pound watermelons on your chest all day and then tell me that you want these things." I think they would change their minds.

I'm nervous, of course. I mean, they ARE cutting out part of my body. And I know this is weird, but for the longest time my entire identity has been of the "girl with the big boobs". People who don't even know my first name will nod in recognition if someone says, "You know, that girl with the huge boobs." I feel like I will somehow be a different person, and then I think what will be my defining characteristic then? But on the other hand, I don't WANT that to be my indentity. I want to be the "girl with a nice smile" or something. I'm sure it will take some adjustments (no pun intended) but ultimately I will be a lot happier.

I haven't seen my toes in fifteen years. It will be nice to get reacquainted.


  • At 9:46 AM, Blogger Jay said…

    What a happy day for your poor back!


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