Little Bits of Pixie Dust

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thourougly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!!"

Friday, May 26, 2006

Too Much Information

Well, you all thought that the boob talk was over, didn't you? It's not, because my boobs, though smaller and more manageable than they were before, just refuse to cooperate. Remember how a couple of posts ago I said that one of them was leaking a mix of blood and icky stuff? I finally had to go back to the doctor again yesterday, because they just would not stop. I have ruined five or six shirts, and I am tired of weaing a maxi pad in my bra. ( By the way, if you ever do have some problems with boob leakage, may I say that a pad works really well, and also nursing pads are helpful.) So I went to the doctor. He felt me up and told me that there is a build up of fluid in one of my ducts, and also a fluid pocket on the side of the boob. Then, just to torture me a little, he squeezed and squeezed my (hurting, painful, swollen, did I say PAINFUL) poor boob and told me that I would have to do the same at home. My legs were literally kicking at the chair as he crushed my boob between his fingers. It hurt so bad. So bad, in fact, that A* had to take me out to my favorite place for lunch afterwards. I mean, it was the only thing that could have made me feel better at that point. So now I have to sit at home and let my boobs drain indefinitely. I am SUCH a party animal. Do you want to come over and watch me drain? I bet that is your idea of a great Friday night! I'll probably even watch TLC's What Not to Wear... sure you can stand the excitement?

Okay, I know I'm hopelessly behind the times, but A* and I just got a membership to Sam's Club last night. Oh my god, I heart Sam's Club. I can't believe I have been missing out on all the retail goodness up until yesterday! How could I have survived? We managed to buy flowers, two pillows, and a gigantic package of chicken breasts... all at the same place!! The possibilities are endless. I'm such a dork, but I can't wait to go back again. Our visit was cut short because we had to be somewhere, and I feel like I really missed important stuff. Who knows the deals that I could be getting? And the sizes of the products boggle my mind. I was wandering around the aisles in awe, when I spotted Tide in a huge container that was on sale. A* really likes laundry, so I figured he would be excited. I shrieked for him to come and look at the ginormous Tide, and went to pick it up. That fucker must have weighed a million pounds. How does one do laundry with something that is too big to even pick up? I guess you could put it up on a shelf and just pour the detergent in a cup, but how would you even lift the Tide onto a shelf? I literally could not pick this thing up. A* gently steered me away from the giant Tide, telling me that I would most certainly drop the mammoth container on myself, and then I wouldn't even be able to use it. "But," I told him as we left the aisle, "we would have enough detergent to get lots of blood stains out!"

Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend! Have fun!! If you see a girl with a grossly unproportioned chest that is leaking all over her, come and say hi. I might offer to take you to Sam's Club.


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