Bathroom Rules for an Office Setting

1.) Try to remember that you are not the only one in there. Any kind of grunting, sighing, and general personal noises are not things that the person in the neighboring stall wants to hear.

2.) If you run out of toilet paper, be courteous. Perhaps put a sign on the door, perhaps just simply replace the toilet paper. Be kind to your co-workers, they don't want to have to exit the bathroom with their pants around their ankles because you used the last square of paper.

3.) I find it better to try and hold your farting/pooping until the bathroom is completely vacated. This saves embaressment, not only for the person who is sitting next to you, trying to pretend that they don't hear you, but also for yourself. You don't want to be known as the person whom shouldn't be followed into the bathroom.

4.) Don't talk to people while they are using the facilities. This is a private time. No one wants to hear about your work woes, or what your kid did this morning, while they are trying to concentrate.

5.) WASH YOUR HANDS!!! I really shouldn't have to include this, but alas, there are still people out there who don't follow this simple, sanitizing step.

6.) If other people are standing there, waiting for you to move so that they may wash their hands, don't stand in front of the mirror for four hours fixing your make-up, brushing your hair, or taking a shower. Some people have work to do.

7.) A little spray never hurt anyone.

8.) A courtesy flush is always appreciated. This masks your bodily sounds and also rids the room of the smell for a second. This can also alert other's that you are pooping in there, so they may want to vacate the premises.

9.) If you must fart loudly, try and cover it up with a cough or rustling of paper. No one wants to hear the air escaping from your ass.

10.) If all else fails, hold it till you get home. If you insist on being gross, performing disgusting acts, and fouling up the restroom for all other patrons, perhaps it would be a better idea for you to do the "potty dance" for a while and wait until you are in the comfort of your own bathroom.