Bitch Fest 2006

I am not satisfied with my life. Nothing seems to be going the way that it is supposed to go. Not even this blog. I started it with anticipation of fame, millions of dedicated readers racing to their computers every morning to see what I have been up to. But what really happened was that no one even knows that "Little Bits" exists, and I am basically writing to keep myself company. I was scrolling down today and saw that little button that says "Delete Blog" and I'll tell you, I almost did. I thought, who would care anyway, no one reads it. And that would be the truth, but I would hate to see all that work go down the drain. No, I'll keep plugging away, talking to no one.

But this seems to be a metaphor for the rest of my life. A couple weeks ago, I posted about how my friend was going back to school, and I was so jealous, blah blah. Well, the feelings are still there. I still want to go back to school, to actually DO something with myself. I don't want to be stuck here in front of a computer monitor for the rest of my life, secretly clicking on blogs to read because I JUST CAN'T LOOK ENTER ANYTHING ELSE INTO THE COMPUTER. Anyways, it's not just work. Or just school. It is these things, coupled with others. A* has been in a rotten mood for the past couple of days, and that is bringing me down. I thought I only had to go through one more round of Depo shots, but I really have four more to do. Belle (the cat) has been sticking her ass up in the air and moaning, so it looks like she needs fixed. Our house is a mess, still littered with Christmas things. Our bank account is overdrawn. Our car has a heater that doesn't work. I am fat.

I know the fat thing doesn't really go with anything else, but I am feeling really discouraged about my body and the way things are looking. I used to be a swimmer (not a good one, but still) and so I could eat like a horse and never gain any weight. Well, guess what. That ended about seven years ago and still I chow down like I am going to run a 5K race the next day. The only races I run are those that involve getting to the bathroom before A*. Diet and excercise, blah, I know! But I just can't seem to get myself off the couch. I sit in a stupor, chocolate ice cream covered spoon hanging out of my mouth.

All right Internet, I am going to share a secret with you. I have huge boobs. I mean gigantic. I am currently busting out of the size 38 DDD bra that I am wearing. I can't buy clothes that fit me, because if it fits in the bottom it will definitely not fit on top. I can't wear button up shirts because the buttons gap unattractively and give the world a view of my skin that I would rather not share. My back and shoulders hurt EVERY DAY~ there is never a time when I am not in pain. It is just getting worse. I am considering gettting a breast reduction, seriously considering it. I have looked at websites and most women are only out of commission for two weeks. I want to do this before I have a family or other things that I need to look after. In turn, this would also help with the whole fatness thing, because then I may be able to walk without giving myself a black eye. If I start running, there are gigantic earthquakes in the near vacinity. The sheer weight of my breasts could crush A*, if we aren't careful. We once lost a cat under there and didn't find him for three days. My breasts are dangerous.

So you got that? Job, school, weight and breasts. All of these things are conspiring to make me question what the hell I'm doing and where the hell I'm going. I don't know what the solution is yet, either. Obviously I can't fix everything in one swoop, I do not live in a sitcom. But I think if I could just prioritize and actually follow through with something, I could get on the right track. I do a lot of bitching, but not a lot of action. And maybe that is where I need to start. Get off my ass and start doing something~ anything!

I don't know what I will do, but you can be sure that I will just keep posting my little heart out for all of those non readers out there. You know who you are. Wait, you don't exist. I'm just talking to myself, and maybe my first step should be to check into an institution for people that talk to themselves all day. If one exists. Which it probably doesn't, the way things are going for me lately.