It's Only One Day!

I have lost my Christmas spirit, somewhere amid the tangle of family obligations and low finances and misunderstandings. It seems like everyone has an agenda for us, when really all I want to do is spend a nice day with my son and family. It is the Peanut's first Christmas, and I wanted it to be really special. I mean, I know he is only an infant and he will never remember this, but I will, and I want to look back on his first year with joy, not irritation.

I just want to know when the magic left Christmas. When did it become who is giving what present and who's family dinner you go to first? When did we lose the whole point, which is that Christmas is that time of year when people are nice to each other, they smile in the store, they wave you on ahead in traffic. I think it should be about families, and togetherness, and the way the house smells after cooking a big feast.

I'm just bitter. I'm having some problems with one side of the family, and I have to make a really hard decision as to whether or not I will participate in this charade of happiness for one more year. Especially when I said last year that I would not do it again. I have just gone back and forth with this, and I don't know what the right thing to do is.

Today my mom and I are taking the Peanut to visit Santa and have his picture taken, and maybe when he is done I might crawl up onto the big man's lap myself and whisper in his ear what I want for Christmas this year.

Peace.