Little Bits of Pixie Dust

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thourougly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!!"

Friday, November 09, 2012

Two Penis Stories for your Enjoyment

1. My dad is a very straight laced type of person. I’ve never seen him without a shirt tucked neatly into his pants, even if he’s wearing jeans and a T-shirt; he’s very proper. You have to know this background for this story to be even funnier. So when my son was just starting to be potty trained, he was scared to go to the bathroom in public places. One day my dad and I took him to the park, and we had been playing for a while when I reminded C. to use the bathroom. He immediately started freaking out and telling me that he didn’t WANT to go to that potty, he doesn’t LIKE that potty. I felt like I had a brilliant idea when I suggested that perhaps Grandpa would like to take him to the bathroom, and C. reluctantly agreed. So they trotted off to the public bathroom and I waited outside. The bathroom was in one of those building things they have in the park, so the wall didn’t meet up with the ceiling and you could perfectly hear what was being said in the bathroom. I heard a little bit of whining from my son, and all of a sudden, loud and clear, I heard C. begin to yell, “No, Grandpa! Don’t take my pants off! Don’t take my pants off! *unintelligible screaming* Don’t pull down my underwear Grandpa! Don’t!” A split second later my dad comes busting out of the bathroom, face bright red. “I can’t do this, D!” he sputtered. “I’m gonna get arrested!” I thought that he may keel over and die right there from embarassment, and I may have to die right along with him because I was laughing so hard at him.
2. Last night I was giving C. a bath, and I asked him to stand up so I could wash his bottom half. As I started scrubbing, C. began to yell at me, “Don’t touch my penis, Mommy! Don’t bend it, I don’t like it!” I quietly told him that I had to wash everything in order for him to be clean, and he continued to yell at me about not touching his penis. I’m sure our upstairs neighbors just loved that one. Someone’s bound to get arrested one of these days.


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