Little Bits of Pixie Dust

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thourougly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!!"

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Bits

• I was catching up on a blog that I hadn’t read for a while and I found out that the person who writes it was getting a divorce. I was so upset about this divorce taking place across the country between two people that I’ve never met; I went home and told my husband and he just didn’t have the kind of reaction that I was looking for. Like, hello, why are you not outraged about these strangers?


• I am expected to give $30 for a Christmas gift for a couple of the higher ups where I work. I really don’t have the money, especially right now around the holidays. Thirty dollars equals a pretty good present for a four year old, and truthfully that four year old is the only person I care about buying presents for. But how do I say this without completely humiliating myself? I don’t want to be the loser that doesn’t want to share in the holiday spirit.

• Last night my husband and son picked me up from work. I leaned back with a smile and asked my son how his day was, and he scowled at me over the top of his DVD player. “Don’t talk to me!” he said through clenched teeth, and I immediately burst into tears. “What is WRONG with you?” my husband asked. “I’m on my period and he’s being MEAN to me!” OMG, settle down.

• My dog… oh, my dog. I love that dumb dog, and mostly he is really good. He’s loving, protective, cute, sleeps with his head on my knee while I’m watching T.V., really anything that you would want a dog to be. EXCEPT HE CHEWS EVERYTHING. There is no limit to the disgusting things that the dog will eat. Over the weekend my son had the flu, so I had brought the trash can out to the living room so that he may throw up while he was watching Bob the Builder. The dog got into that nasty trash can filled with PUKE and tissues covered with PUKE and ate the entire contents. Yesterday when we got home from work he had chewed through the top of my son’s rain boots that he has only actually worn outside once (he has been wearing them around the house, the boots and nothing else but underwear, but that’s a different story.) I may have to resort to pulling out all his teeth (the dog’s, I mean, not my son’s.)

• Never tell your husband that you believe you saw mouse droppings under the sink in the bathroom and have him say to you, “Oh yeah, I know where they come in in the basement, I saw one once.” WTF?? And you didn’t freak out and tell me immediately??? And plug up the hole? And set traps galore? Now I’m afraid a mouse is going to crawl on me during the night. My dog probably won’t even chew it up.

• I work with the public, and people are really, really dumb. That’s it.

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