Little Bits of Pixie Dust

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thourougly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!!"

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Break, Broke, Broken

There are many definitions of “broke”. Some people that are broke live on the street, some people that are broke live in government housing, some people that are broke live in their car. There are all kinds of levels of the brokenness. I think that when people look at us we don’t seem to be broke; we have a place to live, we have a car, we have clothes on our backs. Little does anyone know the actual truth; we are broke, 99.9% of the time. And I’m talking like scrounging up change from the couch cushions to buy dinner. Our rent is pretty much never on time. Our phone gets shut off all the time because we can’t pay the bill. I can’t tell you the last time I bought new clothes for myself. Last weekend I didn’t have my medication for a couple days because we didn’t have the money (that was a FUN time for A*). I have had to cancel plans with friends because I didn’t have the gas to get anywhere. I called off work once because I was supposed to bring in some food for someone’s birthday and I couldn’t afford to buy anything.

Broke is when your son needs the next size up in underwear but you can’t afford to get them until pay day. Broke is when you eat noodles three days in a row because you can get a box for a dollar. Broke is making every meal from the dollar store. Broke is stealing tissue boxes from work because you can’t afford toilet paper. Broke is using your employee ID to get food in the employee cafeteria and taking it home for dinner.

A* and I both work, really really hard. Yes, we have made MANY stupid decisions in the past, and haven’t always been the best at budgeting our money. But the problem that we constantly run in to is that we can’t make it to the next paycheck, therefore causing us to borrow money from somewhere else, so by the time the paycheck does come, we owe all of it out to other people anyway. We are far, far down the black hole and life just keeps shoveling dirt on top of our heads. I want more than anything to be able to relax, to not worry how we are going to pay for the basic things that a person needs to survive. There are so many times that I want to do something with C., or buy him something cool, and I am not able to. Like I said, A* and I both work hard, we both have full time jobs, we try so, so hard and never seem to get anywhere.

My greatest wish is that someday I will be able to go to the grocery store WITHOUT my calculator or my budget. In the meantime, I guess we’ll just keep pretending.


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