Little Bits of Pixie Dust

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thourougly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!!"

Sunday, February 10, 2013


Almost ten years ago, I returned home after a trip to the beach with my family.  I was so excited to see my new boyfriend because I had been away, and I dressed with special care knowing that I was going to his house.  I wore a shirt that tied in the middle, showing off my not unimpressive (and this was before surgery, you guys, so they were EVEN MORE impressive than they are now) cleavage and I also wore a cute little jean skirt that you wouldn't catch my post baby thighs in now.  I pulled up to his house and was struck with a wave of nerves; what if things were weird between us, or what if his feelings had changed?  I clutched a bag to my chest, a bag that contained a present I had spent an embarrasingly long time picking out and it was only a SHIRT, you guys, so it wasn't like it was that important but I wanted to give the right impression, like I missed him but not THAT much and it wasn't TOO serious but it was kind of... totally unnecessary to think that much about a "casual" gift, anyway, I walked down his driveway with my palms literally sweating and my heart beating so fast I felt a little faint.

And there he was, bent over with half of his body in the hood of a car.  He heard me approach and stood back, and a smile that lit up his whole face spread slowly, tiny shadow of a dimple in his left cheek.  He wore baggy jeans with the hint of white boxer shorts peeking over the waistband, a worn undershirt, scuffed work boots.  His hands were black with grease and his wallet had worn a perfect square in his back pocket.  A lit cigarette hung from his lips; I could make out faint freckles, brought out in the summer, scattered across his nose.  I watched him with that smile, and that's when I knew.  I knew I was in love with this man, I knew that we would spend our lives together, I knew that whatever happened if he was there that was enough.  I knew that no matter what I wanted to be with this man, this sexy, smart, funny, kind, wonderful man and there were absolutely no doubts in my mind.  He slowly opened his arms to me and I could see the same feelings reflected in his eyes, and I swear when he folded me into his arms he smelled so familiar and like home to me.

Ten years later, we are not living together due to circumstances that we cannot change, but when I think back to that day, the day my whole life changed, I wouldn't change anything because of the memories and the little boy that exist because of it.  We may not be living together or in each other's physical company, but I still have no doubt that he will be there for the rest of my life.  Hopefully we will be able to be back together again soon and the rest of the world will fall into place.  I will never lose the feelings I had that summer day when I knew.


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